You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's shark week go big or go home
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
