Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
