Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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