Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
