Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
