would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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