I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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