I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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