Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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