i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
