But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
