hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
