Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
