im six kinds of drunk right now
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
