I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
