I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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