i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love accidental penises.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
