I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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