you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
