Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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