this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
