who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
