I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
