What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
