24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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