you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
