Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
