Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
