Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize