hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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