Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
