Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
