i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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