tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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