guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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