so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
