I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize
