summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
