fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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