I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
