On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
