I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
