How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
