I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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