Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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