I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
