btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
