is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
