The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i dont even know how to be here
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
