So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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