I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she pinky promised me she was 18
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
