my shit smells like andre
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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