i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
