Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
