Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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