Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
