I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
