The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
