My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
