Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize