haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
