You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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