this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
