I met the friendliest cop last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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