Got a toothbrush?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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