plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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