And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
