The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
