i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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