wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
