6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
