Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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