How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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