Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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