Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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