I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
