She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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