Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
