she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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