I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
