This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
