i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
