There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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